The Beauty of Marriage Beheld in Swing Dancing

Last week, I went swing dancing for the first time, and as I was stumbling through the most basic of moves, I realized that dancing can point to the beauties of God’s design in marriage.

When a couple dances, the man and woman must fulfill certain roles for the dance to be beautiful. The man must be a knowledgeable and capable leader, and the woman must be an intelligent and submissive follower. The man is responsible to initiate a certain spin or step sequence, and the woman must complement it by spinning gracefully or keeping in step elegantly. If both try to lead, there can neither be harmony nor beauty in the dance. If both would rather follow, there would be no dance at all. These distinct roles in marriage are not restrictive to either men or women; rather, they allow men and women to embrace their identity in Christ and preserve marriage as the sacred image of the union of Christ and the Church.

Many have questioned the headship of the man and the submissiveness of the woman in a marriage relationship. But what many are not mindful of is that the husband’s headship is always to be motivated by Christ’s self-sacrificial love for his bride (Eph. 5:25), and the wife’s submission does not make her inferior. In swing dancing, the man has the responsibility to take the lead in the next dance move, yet he will always have his partner’s best interest at heart, such as steering her away from colliding with other dancers. The man would never lovelessly yank or fling his partner, and the woman would never follow her partner like an unintelligent dope. Similarly, the husband must love his wife as he loves his own body (Eph. 5:28). Interestingly, Paul says that only when a man loves his wife does he then prove to love himself. Also, the wife’s role of submissiveness never gives her the excuse to follow her husband into sin or agree to a decision that would be detrimental to the family. She must be a “helper” to her husband as Eve was created to be for Adam, but only in striving after right-living.

Finally, it is fitting to mention that in dancing, a man is not taught how to fulfill his role by a woman; neither is a woman taught by a man. Rather, I was instructed and given pointers by a guy who had been dancing for a couple years. The women were not able to help me out as much, because the basic steps for men were opposite than those for women. Also, I needed to see a visual example of a man knowing how to lead well, in order that I would have any confidence to take the lead in dancing with my partner. However, this parallel is much too weak when it points us toward roles in marriage. For, while it is the cultural norm in swing dancing for the man to lead and the woman to follow, culture has rejected these distinct gender roles as they pertain to marriage. To reshape my mindset, I must see Godly men who practice decisive leadership, who do not shirk their responsibilities, and who strive to glorify God and make much of Christ in all areas of their lives, so that I might embrace these same roles I was created to fulfill. Otherwise, I would not know such living was required of me. As a man, I must be discipled by more mature and godly men than myself so that I may have an example to follow and attain confidence to be that kind of husband for my wife. For this reason our gender matters team has decided to hold separate events so that men can teach men how to be men and women can teach women how to be women.

There are many things in this world that can point us to the wonders of mature manhood and womanhood, and swing dancing can do just that, being both simple and profound.