One of my favorite theologians to listen to and learn from is D.A. Carson. He has such a keen wit, but he is also a faithful preacher of the Word; He loves the gospel. The other day, while I was listening to him while falling asleep late at night (it wasn't his talk that put me to sleep!), I came across this great comment on men and women in the 20 and 30's who shun responsibility in dating and marriage.
In the climax, he asserts that the root issue is narcissism, thinking of yourselves above anything else. It's quite the powerful talk.
Audio found in sermon, Waiting in the Meantime, at Wheaton College Church.
The following is the transcript of a part of his message:
Many studies have been done in the last decade or two, for example, about how the new, younger generation coming along—the under 30’s or 35’s—are remarkably slow to grow up. Many are DINK’s—Double Income No Kids. [They are] Very slow to settle to anything, very slow to take serious decisions, very slow to actually ask somebody to marry them, very slow to make long-term commitments, very slow to serve. [They are] always looking over their shoulder because something better could come along; someone better could come along! They are just very slow to take responsibility.
It’s narcissistic. It’s immature. Where will the Church emphasize growing up, and becoming adults, and pulling your own weight? Be counterculture! This isn’t right!
This short clip reminds me of the following verses from the Apostle Paul:
Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4, ESV)
4 comments:
This makes me think about what their own families must have been like. What is causing them to be so cautious and afraid of life? Of course our own flesh acts as miracle grow to those attitudes, but they are the generations to come out of this period of time that accepts the disordered and broken family.
I think it should be an encouragement to us all, not just to grow up ourselves, but to also think about the ramifications of such sluggishness. When one part of the body hurts all will suffer. The eye would suffer without the hand to take a pesky eyelash out of it. How much more will a child suffer without a mother or father or pastor to teach them (and model for them) how be truly grown up and not always giving into the desires of the sinful flesh?
Thanks for posting this Jerry!
I like Carson too, have read a good many of his writings, and respect what I know of him.
While his generalization may be true for the most part, I would suggest that it is not complete and should not be used as a basis for judging others. Nor am I sure it passes the test of being edifying (maybe -- I didn't hear everything he said).
Just because a couple is a DINK doesn't necessarily mean they want to be. A single making a good income may be decisive and hard working in some areas but not quick to decide on a spouse.
And, some of us ARE very cautious, as Alia mentions, because we are cognizant of our own sinful tendencies and have no wish to repeat the sins of our parents. Sometimes those are devastating and maybe we haven't gotten all the equipping & help we need to work through that yet. We want to work through these things -- we want, perhaps, even marriage and family. But we don't want a bad marriage and an abusive family again. For now, we prefer singleness to that.
Instead of blaming us, try encouraging & helping us. All too many adult marrieds & pastors will wax eloquent about lazy, selfish, singles. How many invite singles into their homes and give them an opportunity to see what healthy family life looks like? How many will take the extra bold step of inviting 3 or 4 singles over for dinner and games or include them on a family trip? Oh, but that would be sacrifice... Well, yes, but there is blessing in that -- you might find yourself mentoring and serving the singles you were criticizing and you might find them helping and encouraging YOU! Try it -- just a suggestion.
A Sister-
Thanks for your response. Many good thoughts are brought to the table.
To understand where Carson was coming from, and what sort of things formed the context of his speech, it might be helpful to listen to it in its entirety. Also, keep in mind that though the Bible does condemn "judgmentalism," it certainly does not condemn rebukes that stem from love and are done in an appropriate context. For just a few examples, Jesus sternly rebukes the Pharisees (Matt 3:7), Paul opposes Peter to his face (Gal 2:11-14), and Peter condemns Simon the Magician as a hell-bent person lest he repent (Acts 8:20-23). All this is to say, this rebuke from Carson--and this most definitely is a rebuke--needs to be discerned from its motive and its truth.
And, of course, it is a generalization. :) Interestingly, immediately after this exhortation, Carson chastizes the elderly for "slacking off" in the remaining years of life, despite having an abudance of strength and energy to devote to the Lord.
One quick grammatical note-
It was John the Baptist, not Jesus, who rebuked the Pharisees in Matt 3:7. Instead, Jesus rebukes them, using the exact same language, in 12:34.
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