Manhood: Servant Leadership

Being a godly man is really quite simple: all one must do is love God and love others.

True love for another begins with true love for God; true love for God depends on God’s redeeming love for us: “We love because he first loved us” (1 Jn 4:19). We are connected to God’s love if we believe that our true needs of having our sins forgiven (cf. 1 Jn 1:8-9) and the wrath of God appeased (cf. 1 Thes 5:9) have both been met in the atoning death of Jesus (cf. Rom 3:23-26). Consequently, we consider Jesus as having supreme worth (cf. Phil 3:7-11), for our own spiritual life depends on him.

Now we necessarily make the transition from loving God to loving others, because love comes from God and flows through us. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (1 Jn 4:7). Therefore, we are empty vessels that must be connected first to God, and love is a stream that flows from him, through us, unto others.

Only when we are men who love God and subsequently love others can we begin to fulfill our roles as men. Jesus, as the God-man, exemplifies manhood for all men. He portrayed his leadership in service (cf. Mk. 10:45), and he expects us to do the same (cf. Jn 13:12-17). In order to serve, we must first be humble; only as we are connected with Christ does God give us humility (Phil 2:1), characterized in “do[ing] nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself” (2:3).

Paul latches onto this vision of servant leadership in his exhortation to the Ephesian men. He states the husband’s role of leadership as being the “head” of his wife (5:22-23). The question then is: “In what manner shall he lead?” Paul’s only mandate for husbands in how they lead is that they love (5:25). The subsequent verses clarify the nature of this love.

Love that Paul writes about is modeled after Christ’s love for his church and is manifested in providing for a woman physically and spiritually. First, a husband must provide for his wife spiritually: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . . so that . . . she might be holy and without blemish” (5:25-27, emphasis mine). Just as Christ’s love for the church sanctifies her, so a husband’s love for his wife must lead her to holiness.

A husband must also provide for his wife physically. Paul writes, “Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” (5:28-29, emphasis mine). Paul does not so much command self-love as he presupposes it; thus, being one flesh with a woman, a husband must strive to make her interests his interests and her needs his needs.

The call to lead is not an excuse to be served but an exhortation to serve. Service is embodied in the husband’s roles of provision and protection. The husband bears the responsibility to lead his family physically and spiritually to God’s glory. Husbands should, like elders who shepherd the flock, pastor their families by example (cf. 1 Pt 5:1-4).

Young man, where do you stand before God? Do you humble yourself before God and his Word daily? Are you able to provide yourself with spiritual nourishment? If not, how do you expect to lead another (i.e. your wife) toward holiness?

We are here at college to pursue a career, but are we even considering becoming husbands who can love and serve according to biblical standards? We must start growing in these areas of biblical manhood now, because it does not happen overnight. Women, if the man you are interested in has no desire to even grow in these areas of love, humility, and servant leadership, let him go. Men, may you heed well the words of Paul for all godly men: “Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness” (1 Tm 6:11).